Flowers
by SugarHighHiei
Summary: Little Jin was always different- Even when it came to love. So what'll it take to win the boy's heart? Oh yes, shounen-ai. Defidently. Maybe some Yaoi.
1. Rose

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of real value. Including FFCC.**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai, maybe slight yaoi here or there. If you cannot accept the fact of two boys in love I suggest you leave immediately. I will accept no flames on this factor, mainly on my writing styles and what-not. I also warn of the adult language I'm probably going to use. Curse words, etc,. This I will not accept flames of as well.**

**Chapter 1: Rose.**

* * *

So what. Life _isn't_ always about butterflies and magical rainbows. It _isn't_ always about finding out that just being yourself makes him fall in love with you. It _isn't_ always getting what you want. I learn that as I trudge along the drenched road, shoes slipping from my feet with each step in the mucky earth, my chocolate locks glued to my icory face, realizing the true meaning of 'better off alone'. The once azure sky is hidden beneath a gaudy cloud extending from horizon to horizon, diamonds of raindrops clashing down on our withered caravan and bodies. There are only a few of us, reaching four now. Since the suicidle death of Montrial, a strong Yuke who usually saved our lives more than we have his, it's reached four. His death wasn't brave, nor was it noble. He had lived his life dreading the water, fearing it's flemsy surfice, beckoning him near in it's soothing, serene ways.

So, of course, he drowned.

Jumped straight clear into the water. Fool, he was. For he was afraid of the water, thusly swimming never occured to him. Monrtial was like that though, always jumping to conclusions. He wanted to overcome his fear, knowing that living that way was not living at all. And technically, he didn't live. He's dead now, and all know that. The rain streaming down out faces merged with the tears rafting in our weary eyes, lips sending out light drones as we continued to stumble. I was the youngest. I was the weakest. I was hurt the most.

I never knew my parents; they never knew me. I was a ghost, nothing more but a forgoten thought wandering around with no purpose. My father had died before I was born, and my mother died the instant she gave birth. I was taken away from her cold, lifeless corpse, and fluttered my eyes open elsewhere. The first thing I saw was not a loving mother but the canopy of the dark, emerald forest. That's where Montrial's father found me. At the time, I was cradles in a hand-weaved basket, blankets smothering my soft frame. I was quiet, silence erupting from my bright, hooded sapphire eyes. My skin plush to the touch, and cheeks, still to this day, a rosey flush of pink.

So I grew, a quiet and self-conscience Clavat, in a family of Yukes. No doubt I felt odd and unwanted, weeping in my 'Mother's' arms just didn't sit well with me. I had two brothers and one sister, all older than me. So that didn't quite make matters better. I remember trying to put helmets over my head, ashamed of who I was or what I was. I was accepted by neither Clavat or Yuke. To the Clavats, I was a traitor who served only the other kind. And to the Yukes I was an outcast and different. Never the same. Never the same.

Obviously I was a weakling. Normally, Clavats are still taught the art of the sword and weapondry, although they still don't posses enough strength. Which is the base of their power and defense. But Yukes... Let's just say I was never taught that way. And although I am satisfied with magic, I am still incompleted. I was never the type to fight pure off instinct. To be honest, I hated fighting. Based on the fact that I wasn't really fighting, merely being faught and beat up.

The fact of me going through this adventure was still unclear. I usually just guessed it was because they wanted me out of the town, maybe I'd get eaten by a monster or killed by one. Some said, although lieing was quite known by these people, that it was to find my parents. Or to find myself. Whatever the hell that means. So there are four of us, including myself. Satoshi Ni, A Wolfie male Selkie. Shuu, An Shark Eyes female Selkie. And Tomonori, A Black Mage male Yuke. Then there's me: Jin Lee, No tribe male Clavat/Yuke. I'm still not quite sure what I am, but I just say Clavat or Yuke. Sometimes both. (Itsuki: Tsukasa came up with the names. They're basically all Korean, and we're to lazy to turn on the game right now. But whatever --;)

(Tsukasa: I always pictured him as Tsukasa Amou from Juvenile Orion, and I suggest you check him out. :P) I look Clavat, and at heart I probably am. I appear delicate, as if the very pain and misery locked away witihin my heart had merged into a tangible form, becoming that of which my flesh contained: A tattered soul. Like the tremmbling flame on our torches, fragile in the heavy darkness. I'm somewhat feminine-like, but not to my consent: I'm petite, slender, and frail. Blonde, almost chocolate locks frame my heart-shaped face and deep, azure eyes rimmed in thick black lashes. My skin is still pale and an ivory colour, a tinge of raw pink usually blending in placed like cheeks and fingertips.

I was cloathed in white robes, worn from the past years, to depress a pure sensation on anyone's mind. My hands, delicate like a girls, are bare and soft usually bearing books from things like Alchemy and Wicca. Which is my one true hobby: Reading and writing. I was never one to judge people, mainly because I knew I never liked to be. Which ever the case, the reason for my joining the caravan, I'm happy I was apart of it. These people, the ordinary people who hold such a heavy responsibility, I am greatful for. They accept me. When we're in the caravan, there are no Lilities, no Clavats, no Selkies or no Yukes. Instead, we are people. Tomonori is Tomonori, not just a Yuke. Satoshi was Satoshi, not just a Selkie. And, you guessed it, I was Jin. Jin Lee Im. Just that.

Just a boy who liked books and watching the Sun's reflection bore a vague replica in the ocean, it's foam-skirted edges drawing near with each wave. That's it. That's all we needed. We know each other like the backs of our hands. Not just our strengths or weaknesses, but our feelings, past, everyting. From the vibrant past of Shuu, her mother a wealthy widow, to the vague one. Mine. We know exactly what makes each other tick, and what makes us happy. We're a family of misfits. Shuu, although a brat sometimes, was usually the Mother or the older sister. Satoshi would be the playful but caring brother, and Yeon was the respectful Father. Me? I was the baby.

We know exactly how each other react in different places. Like, for example, Marr's Pass. Which is where we were going. Satoshi had bad experiences here, but we all had some good ones here, too. Actually, I suppose, the good outweigh the bad. And that always seems to work.

"It's...raining so hard." I said, my voice quiet and gentle.

"Yeah. Like it'll never stop." Satoshi said. "_Never_."

"It will to stop." Shuu said, matter-of-factly.

I glanced at her, then at the ground. "..It has to."

Tomonori stayed unusually quiet, his eyes crossing everyone's with a reassuring smile. It helped. No, it didn't cause the rain to stop, nor did it sooth our weariness. But it helped...Somehow. I could see Marr's Pass on the peak of the horizon, gloomy and cold in the remorsfull weather. I blinked away the droplets. Each step uncovered the now familiar town, growing nearer.

"We have enough Gil to stay there for a night, if you guys like." Satoshi said. "Not that it's really up to me."

I felt a wave of sickness pass over me, my stomache churning and a headache pulsing through my head. I could barely see clearly, the colours around me melting into one another untill I blinked, my presence was slowly slipping away. They're voices eventually drowned out, and I continued to stummble like a drunken man in the rain untill I could no longer bare it. My fingers reached the strands of my hair and pulled as I felt the ground beneath my feet slip away. I collapsed.

I could hear light, faint voices as I slowly emerged from the darkness in my mind. Faint, and the words were muffled, but they became clearer as my conscience returned. Memories flowing back into my hallow frame. Like peeling away the cloudiness, their conversation became clearer. But I never figured out what they were talking about, because I sluggishly slit open my eyes, and all fell silent.

"Thank heavens." Tomonori released a breath of relief as my eyes continued to blink away the blurriness. My throat was dry, and words were not exactly useable at the time.

I just looked over to them, each one, and suddenly became confused.

As if she read my mind, Shuu quickly answered, "You collapsed from fevor...The illness was obviously a common one, but it was repressed, so it became fatal. Why didn't you tell us?--"

The words came. "To be honest...I really didn't know." Although my voice was rasp and bloody, it was still kind. "..I was so involved with going to Marr's Pass, I really wasn't thinking about it."

"More like not thinking at all." Satoshi took a step back, arms folded neatly across his chest.

"W..Were are we?"

"Marr's Pass." Shuu explained, "We were going to carry you all the way there, but we just let you rest in the caravan instead."

I burst up, "No! You shouldn't have done that!" Now it would seem like I didn't do any of the work at all. I didn't want to be seen as the weakest. "You should have woken me up!"

Shuu pushed me back down, "And have you die? Not likely!"

"I'm fine!" I pushed against her arms, a deathly pain striking through my chest. I winced. She gasped, quickly removing her arms and brining them to herself.

"I'm so--"

Satoshi put two fingers to my forehead and pushed me back down, softly and gently, onto the bed. "Don't be like that. If any else of us were deathly ill, we wouldn't make them work either. So shut up, and rest. We can't have you like this all the time."

I blushed, rosebushes forming on my cheeks. "I--Uh, okay."

He grinned. Winning.

"So...I take it we're spending the night here, huh?" Shuu said sheepishly after a while. Satoshi nodded, and another shock of pain and guilt shot through my body. It was clearly visible because shortly after Satoshi gave me one of those looks. One of those looks that say, 'What the hell!' and sighed.

"It's not your fault! Shut up and go to sleep!" My eyes were soon blanketed by the lids, black lashes brushing my flushed cheeks. I pretended to sleep peacefully, so I could continue to eavesdrop on their conversation.

I heard Satoshi sigh, "Man, what're we going to do now?"

"Isn't it obvious? We're going to wait for him to recover."Shuu explained.

"But we only need a small emount of myrhh before we can head back. Can't we just..Y'know..Leave him here to recover and then retreave him?" There was a slap.

"Satoshi! How could you even think that way?"

"I was only thinking about him!"

"No way. He just ignored a fatal illness to help out the Caravan. If we leave him here, imagine how he would feel. He would probably not recover, or we'd have a suicidle act on our hands." Tomonori decided in a calm, collected voice.

"I..I guess you're right."

"..But what should we do?"

"We have four. We could seperate."

"I don't..What if Jin still feels bad about making one of us stay?"

That's all I heard. I slowly found sleep calling me, and slumber came quietly.

No one's POV!

"We..We could say that we left you two behind. Both of you."Tomonori said.

"Lie to him? That's wrong!"

"Shuu! Quiet down!" Satoshi hushed, "You're going to wake him."

"Uh-" Shuu placed her hands over her mouth.

Tomonori dunked a plush, damp rag into a bucket of cool water several times before grabbing it by either end and wrining it practically dry. He smoothed it out then folded it nicely, placing it on Jin's burning, ivory forehead. The boy stirred in his sleep, blonde locks damp from his sweat and flared out on the pillow. His eyes, narrowed, shown an obvious nightmare haunting his sleep. His breath came unevenly.

"He's getting paler. Whatever we decide. We should do it now." Tomonori decided.

"Sigh. We really can't leave him here all alone like this."Shuu said desperatly.

"Too much stress on him already, both physically and mentally. He's unstabel as it is, we can't afford for him to have any doubts." Satoshi said.

"Shuu...Why don't you go?" Satoshi said.

"Huh? Me? Really?" Shuu said.

"Yeah. Tomonori's good with the medications and I...Well...I just want to be there for him when he wakes up." Satoshi said, eyes glancing elsewhere.

Shuu grinned, "Aww..You have a crush on Jin-chan, don't you?" She giggled.

"I-I do not!"

"Makes sence. Anyways...I guess I should." Shuu said, walking over to their bags and rummaging through them. "I was the srongest. With the exception of Montrial."

"Yeah. Just make sure you come back for us when you're done." And with that, he brushed her away.

The room was cool. A light draft rushing through the open window, finger-like cracks crawling upon it. Jin shivered. His eyes slightly peeled open, his vision cearing away as he circulated his palm into his eyes. He sat up, and Satoshi grinned.

"'Mornin'!" He said, chirpily, hand son his hips as he walked over towards him.

Jin's eyes were hooded and still glazed in dream and sleep, "...What happened?" His voice was cracked and heavy.

He sighed, "Duh. You ran a fevor. Slept. Woke up, got all pissed off. Then fell back asleep." He explained.

Jin blinked.

"That was...quite the explanation." Tomonori said from his place by the wall, arms crossed. Satoshi sent him a glare.

Jin took a second to glance around, "Hey...Where's Shuu-san?" He said.  
Both Tomonori and Satoshi responded at the same time:

"Bathroom."

"Store."

Tomonori sighed and Satoshi rummaged frantically through his mind for an answer for that one. "Uhm..She...She...Had to go to the bathroom. Then she's going to the store!" He grinned and Tomonori slapped his forehead.

"...C'mon. Please, tell me." Jin said quietly, bringing his legs up along with the blankets up to his chest and hugged them. "I know when you're lying, Satoshi-san."

Satoshi sighed. "She went to Mushroom Forest."

"All on her own?"

"Yep...Don't worry. Our girl can handle herself."

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault..." Jin said, burrying his face in his knees and sighing. Satoshi wanted to...He wanted to hold him. So he paniced, unsure. Tomonori, knowing his situation all to well, walked over and sat on his bed and rested his hand on Jin's head.

Jin lifted his slightly damp sapphire eyed, "Tomonori-sama---"

"Don't worry. You can't always assume everything's your fault. Really. You have to have some confidence in yourself."

Satoshi glared at him, but Tomonori ignored it. "He has confidence! He just doesn't brag about it! Unlike some people..."

"Yeah. I know you do. We really need to work on that." Tomonori said with a satisfied smile and Satoshi almost blew up.

...And Jin was oblivious to their little fight. Even if it was over him.

* * *

You know you want to reply. 


	2. Lilac

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of real value. Including FFCC**

**So I tell people not to send me flames. And what do they do? THEY FREAKIN' SEND ME FLAMES! --;**

**_Once again:_**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai, maybe slight yaoi here or there. If you cannot accept the fact of two boys in love I suggest you leave immediately. I will accept no flames on this factor, mainly on my writing styles and what-not. I also warn of the adult language I'm probably going to use. Curse words, etc,. This I will not accept flames of as well.**

**Chapter two: _Lilac._**

* * *

Jin's POV

I can't say I do remember much of last night. The whole 'passing-out' thing really didn't leave much on my memory. I couldn't afford to be worried, though. My fevor was rising, and sleep never did come quickly to me. I felt horrible for the rest of the day. It was mainly the nausiating acid burning through my unsettled stomache and the roaring headache pulsing through my head each time I tried to think. And it was also the cold, shivering outbursts that would send my mind sinking in a freezing chill randomly. But it was also because of Shuu.

I was worried. I couldn't help it. She was at Mushroom forest, one of the areas I dreaded the most. With so many passages and mazes, one could get lost so simply. Just the thought of her truding onwards for days and days for a long period of time, energy slowly slipping as the hunger gnawed at her, eating her from the inside out scared me so. Her presence slowly fading. It ripped me apart. Satoshi said not to bother, that she was fine and if anything happened, like she didn't come back for a while, he'd personally go search for her.

"A meteor couldn't kill'er" He said. A little harsh.

I loved sleep. And when it came, I cherished it greatly. Unless my dreams, if I did dream at all, were replaced with horrific nightmares lingering in the back of my mind with great intensity. Which it usually was. Sometimes Tomonori could help me with my sleep, staying beside me and telling stories I yearned to hear. There was once a point in time where I feared this man. He was scary; especially to a five year old misfit like myself at the time. My eyes would stare up at him, wide and glazed in fear. But he would smile sometimes, causing my heart to melt and my own grin to tug on the corners of my lips.

I felt slightly depressed, though. Thinking..How could I ever hate this man? When he...He was one of the few people who cares about me?

The fevor was slowly decreasing. Painfully slow. But I was recovering, thankfully. It took a few days for me to be able to walk, but I was happy when I did. I had changed into my nighttime wear: Soft, pladed pants which were long and bagged, and a button down pladed shirt which hung over my fingertips and one shoulder. They were Montrial's. I would walk around early in the morning, because I usually did wake up fairly early, to the gentle even breaths of my crew mates. Smiling. I would linger for a while, on the balcony, the cool fresh air breezing past my supple skin and snaking through my blonde locks.

The innkeeper obviously didn't attend to the flowers, so one by one I slowly casted a rebirth upon them, their bright, vibrant colours returning as they stood upright, smiling at me while I smiled back. No one saw me doing this; It was for my own content. At least... I didn't think anyone saw me.There were times when I thought I felt the eyes of other's and I would jerk around, azure eyes averting and scanning the area. But nothing; no one was there. I would sigh and return, unable to shake the presence of another.

There was one time, though. When I knew Satoshi was watching:

"So...This is what you do in the morning, eh?" He said nonchalantly, his eyes hooded and dazed with the remnents of sleep. I spun around, feeling the light rosebushes of a blush on my cheeks. I turned back around to hide it.

"Heh..So you've noticed." I said sheepishly.

"Why all alone?" He was serious now. I could feel the slight tense of sadness in his voice. No. It wasn't sadness. It was sympathy. Why..Why was such a sad word. It could mean many things. But when combined with 'All Alone'... Many answers arose. But, to them all it was really just saying: "The alone are really just lonely." Which meant that they had someone there, they just couldn't feel them.

I shrugged, "I don't know." Carelessly I said, "It just doesn't seem like it would matter if anyone else would help." He took my words into careful consideration before walking near, his rough hands caressing the petals. He grinned gingerly.

"They look nice."

I smiled warmly. "Domo." (Thanks)

It was small, unnoticable moments like these that procede us one step farther in life, I think. When things are all quiet, and you forget any worries or stress, it just eases away like April rain. And even though it's not April, nor is it raining, you feel like it is. As if weather has no affect on you, you just want to test the factor out.

I sighed, the fevor returning and I suddenly felt lightheaded. I stummbled a bit, eyes glazing over, and I fell hard to the ground. It felt like minutes were hours as I counted them with my aching head, and sleep could never reach me. I wasn't sure why, I WAS tired. No doubt in that. If I ever did fall asleep, I wouldn't be suprised if I never woke up. I tried everything from counting sheep to making up words in the alphabet, but nothing worked.

At least, I didn't think they did. Eventually I just tried thinking the day over, and sleep came. Much like the other times I sleep, I wasn't sure when or even how I did. I just...slept. To some it wouldn't be seen as a great accomplishment, but boy I needed it. When I did awake, my eyelids felt heavy but my headache left. Someone must have brought me back to my bed and nursed me, because that's where I was. I must not have noticed while I was trying to sleep, but whatever.

When I sat up, running a hand through my dark red locks, it was then I noticed Satoshi for a second time. He was sitting down, a stressed look on his face with the dark bags under his eyes, hunch over the chair he sat on. I smiled. He must have been there the entire time I was..well..trying to sleep. You see, it wasn't sleeping that I really wanted to ahcieve, I just_couldn't_ do anything else. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even open my eyes or the light might burn through my eyes and irritate my head even more.

My delicate, girl-like hands found his head and I patted it gently as he stirred in his sleep. It was strange how people look the most innocent in sleep. I really couldn't put my finger on it, but it was like a kindness or softness radiating from his body. I giggled at that fact. Satoshi? Soft? Pfft.

Cautiously I rested a blanket and pushed him back so he was resting fully on the chair, his light breathing barely leaving his lips. Must've been a nice dream. As I stood on my own two feet, slowly, Tomonori had entered the room, slightly suprised. I WAS sort of wondering where he had been. I smiled welcoming.

"G'morning."

"Konbanwa." (Good evening.)

"What? But it's--" I spun to the nearest window, hands firmly gripped on the curtains and tugged lightly, spreading them. He was right, it was nighttime. A darkness engulfed the sky, bright specks of stars splattered across and dashes of clouds here or there. The moon hung, lingeringing with it's eerie aura.

"Oh..Guess it's not really morning then...is it?" I said sheepishly, and he nodded, placing himself at the usual end of the wall. He looked tired, the way his shoulder's hunch over and his head hung. Where could he have been..? He looked so shocked when I saw him enter.

"Where were you?" I said, closing the curtains again.

He sighed, "Somewhere."

I laid my hands on my hips, a mother's look on my face. You know, one of those 'don't-mess-with-me-young-man' kind of looks. He shrugged.

"Nani?" (What?)

My eyebrows arched, "Really. Where were you? I need a specific answer."

He grunted, "You don't want to know."

"Yes I do!"

Tomonori looked defeated; No one could be me. "It's a suprised.." He said quietly. I twitched nervously.

"Well why didn't you say that in the first place?"

"I _said_, 'You don't want to know'."

"That just edges me on! You should know me by _now_."

"Guess I don't."

Tomonori has a think a thing for ending conversations when he wants to. Whether by insult or by just throwing something so bizzare it makes you wonder, deepening your thoughts. Things like 'reincarnations' or 'Guess I don't.' Heh. Yeah. It wasn't so much that that sentance made me gawk, it was the meaning that he was trying to tell me. He doesn't know me? Geez. How long has it been? Four, maybe five years? I thouht he did. He should anyways. I know about h-- Well, now that I think about it, I don't know that much about him...

B-But who could, right? He has so many mysterious qualities, and he always keeps to himself like if he allows anyone to get close to him they might be hurt. Like when agents are all like, "You know. So now I have to kill you." sort of thing. Something in me really like him. Admires him, even. Something in me wants to get to know him so much that'll seem like I'm him. But...that could never happen. Not alone, really.

Again, like he usually plans for, I was so deep in thought that I didn't even leave. This time, however, I was glad he did. Not like the other times when we're playing a game and suddenly I'm on my own team, or when I'm fighting off a monster and suddenly I'm running away from it. No, not this time. I padded lightly over to Satoshi and shook him gently.

"Satoshi. Satoshi. Wake up."

He stirred, brushing me away and mummbling something. I sighed, "Wake up you lazy bum!"

Satoshi growled at the sudden loud voice ringing through his ears, and his eyes cracked open a sliver, sending me a glare. I just giggled, "You sleep like a rock; Hard."

He sighed, "I_was_ sleeping like a rock...Untill somebody woke me up." The selkie sounded irritated, "Now I wonder who could have done that?"I giggled at his sarcasm.

"Oh come on. What could you have been possibly been dreaming about that made you so grumpy?" Suddenly he blushed, and stuttered. "N-Nothing."

I smirked slyly, "Oh come on! ...Was it about a _girl_?"

Right on the nose. "N-No! Well..Not..Technically.." His voice trailed off and his cheeks became hotter, the blush redder.

(No one's POV:D)

He giggled, "Just so you know. She doesn't kiss you." The boy's remark hit him hard. Satoshi's dream wasn't about a girl... It was about a guy. This very guy who stood before him, with a warm smile and laughing eyes. But it wasn't he, or the girl as Jin claimed, who was going to kiss him. He was going to kiss the '_girl_'. He couldn't look him in the eyes. How could he think of such a thing?

Well, he did have strong feelings for the boy, but not THIS far. He didn't ever think he'd swing that way. But... It just didn't add up. He still liked girls... So why did he like Jin? Maybe he went both ways. Maybe...Maybe..

"Satoshi? Are you okay?" Jin waved a hand in front of his face, and Satoshi was jerked from his thoughts. He nodded.

"Y-Yeah..I'm..I'm fine." Satoshi replied weakly, running a hand through his platinum hair.

"So..." Jin began.

"So what?"

"What was the dream about!"

A flash of the image in his dream dashed in his mind. Their lips locked together, with the rain trickling down their faces, hair dampening and clining to their heads. Jin's skin was so...soft. Plush under the heavy rain awakening from the clouds and pouring down. Romantic; very. Loving; very. A dream;...very. And that made him depressed. And he hated being depressed.

Especially around Jin.

"Well.. It.." His mind desperatly tried to cling to a thought; Any sort of excuse because lets face it, 'I was fantasizing about'...Isn't really the best answer. There was something the way Satoshi stuttered and became flustered that sent off signals saying 'It's about you!' But Jin was far to naive for that. Go figure.

"It..was... about a friend of mine." He settled with that. Yeah.. It was obvious. So what?

Jin blinked, "Really? What was her name?"

Satoshi winced lightly at the thought that he automatically assumed it was a girl, but it was oblivious to him.

"Uh.. Floral."

"Wow. That's a strange name!" Jin giggled.

"Well yours isn't much better!

* * *

C'mon.. the button's right there! 


	3. Abilene

**Disclaimer: …Still don't own FFCC… Yet. –winku-**

**Yes.. I'll admit. Maybe I _do_ have a bit of a 'sick and twisted' mind, but that just makes it all more fun, riiiight? D**

**Anyways. On with it!**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai.**

**Thankyou's:**

**AnimeFan-Artemis- -dances with you- xD**

**Iron Reaver- Good to hear you like it!**

**The Full Metal Alchemist- Yeah.. Sorry about that.. ;**

**Anyways. I'm running out of ideas… Help me! --**

**Chapter 3: Abilene**

* * *

I think my worrying for Shu actually caused me to get better quicker, despite all the others protests. I just hated it. I didn't want to be stuck in a bed while she was out fending for her life. That just wasn't right. Each day I tried to get myself to sleep, and each day I failed. So I decided to scheme against myself:

I just so _happen_ to leave my weapon in the caravan when I went to fetch some herbs. And I just so _happen_ to _forget_ I had, so there was no way I'd be able to help her if I did run away. And I'd have nothing to do _but_ sleep because I didn't have a way of helping her.

But that just made me worry even more.

Now I was completely defenseless, with no weapon. All alone, for short periods of time. Just a lump on the bed with wide eyes. Now I _really _couldn't sleep. Not only could I not help Shu, or even the rest of the group, but I couldn't even help myself. What if someone just decided to pick-pocket me today, or some monster escapes to the town? What then? So, in a way, I double-double crossed myself. Brilliant.

But, eventually I did get better. Sort of. I wasn't ready to leave the town, but I could walk pretty well on my own two feet. Before I had to take small steps, and I collapsed a lot, causing wounds to split on my knees. I was clumsy before, quite actually, but not this much. It made me tired, and my legs constantly ached anyways.

But now I was better. Of course, I usually leaned on someone or a wall, but I could walk. It felt weird; Like, I was just being born. Renewed. Learning everything from step one, but with so much more experience. I noticed many things, too. I was alone a lot, so I passed the time drawing and painting with nothing more than cheap paint, which I had to mix myself, and charcoal. The canvas was thick, and remnants of the hood of our wagon, but I wasn't complaining. I found myself drawing birds and flowers, mostly.

I was, in fact, somewhat ashamed of them. They were hideous from my standards, but I did enjoy it. I loved the way, when drawing, I could just feel the lead glide along the paper to form objects. Delicate, like a mother to it's child, I'd stroke it along the bird's frame. The many curves and designed, harshness and softness. Crawling up the pinky side of my hand was a trail of the metallic lead which brushed off from the paper. It would somehow end up dappling my face, but I'm not sure how that happened.

One day, while I was driving my pencil into the paper to create a shadow over the bird's torso, I felt eyes on my back. So I visibly shivered, and turned around. I was standing at the window sill, my hooded eyes grazing over the bird's features. But not any longer. My wide eyes fell on Satoshi, a question on my lips. The bird cocked its head at my actions. He gave me an apologizing look, noting the way my brows were brought together in confusion.

"Satoshi-san?" I asked quietly, sure not to scare the bird. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and dug his free hand into his pocket.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to throw you off like that," A chuckle, "I was---"

But I wasn't really paying attention anymore. My hands had already reached for the lead, and my eyes crept back to the bird. Then I was lost in my own little world again, brushing the pencil against the paper, roughly sweeping over and over, some straying to form shaggy lines. I didn't know at the time, but the light was spilling along my frame, giving my silhouette a glow. My eyes fell hooded as they traced along the paper, my fingers, my art.

I heard Satoshi mutter _beautiful_, but that was it. So I lifted my head, eyes widened and dropped my pencil.

"S-Sorry… What was that?" I stammered.

He looked as if he was torn from a trance, "Err! Your…Your picture! It's beautiful."

I could feel the warmth awaken in my cheeks, tingeing them pink to an embarrassed pose. I giggled. I have to say… Satoshi always did have a way of making me feel special. Without even trying, too. And his words… They always did seem to lifted my spirits, taking away some of the weight from my shoulders. It made… me smile. But Satoshi usually had the affect on everyone.

"Hey… Uh… I noticed. You like to draw flowers a lot… don't you?" And as he asked, I lifted my head, eyes just noting the many sheets of canvas. Some pinned to the wall, others just finding themselves scattered along the floor. He was right… There were more flowers than birds. Some were sprouting, with their long, silky petals kissing out. Some were level, the coiling ivy stems drawn in thick lines.

And then I just got bored, and smoothed the fluffy heads of dandy lions or baby's breath dappled around the roses… Most beautiful flower. But the hardest to draw, I'll add with displeasure. The petals all suppressed together, hugging close around the center. The many layers…

I gave him a sheepish look. "…Yeah…I have a strange obsession with them…"

Satoshi blinked, and sat himself at the edge of the bed. "Is that so? What's you're favourite?"

I stared at him, somewhat baffled. No one… No one had really cared about my interests. Not even did one of their little misfits from their caravan ask. So, hearing those words spread a smile along my lips. And I walked over to the bed, sitting down upon it, the mattress cradling my weight.

"Um… I don't really have a _favourite_.." I chewed on my bottom lip. "But… If I had to choose just one… I'd say the—"

Just perfect timing, for a gale to gush threw the window. It spun the many pages on the floor, sending them across the room, wavering about. They flew, more or less, about. And I clamped my eyes shut to the strong wind, and gritted my teeth. Waiting as the seconds, which seemed like hours, to pass. It was so ironic, the way it just decided to stampede in. But, I suppose that was just my luck. Someone actually cared… And something bad happens. Things have to even out.

After the wind passed over, I heard Satoshi mumble, "I'm guessing there's going to be a storm soon…"

I winced. I always hated thunderstorms--- They personally scared me half to death. I could easily battle monsters, but face those harsh weather conditions? Not likely. But it wasn't the serene padding of rain on the window sill as they streamed down my face, leaving a trail of diamonds. Nor was it the crack of thunder growling in the dark skies, hurdling to my ears.

It was the lightening. The webs of sparks cascading in the sheet of clouds extending from horizon to horizon. It always scared me to see them. The snake-tongue frame as it clashed into the earth. I always got chills. Ever since I was a small child, it was my greatest nightmare. And even _in_ those nightmares, even _if_ they were revolved around another subject, it would still somehow link to a thunderstorm. That's how scared I was.

Satoshi's dark eyes glanced towards mine.

"What were you saying…?" He asked me, smiling somewhat sheepishly.

I stared at him for a moment, then sighed, offering my own weak smile (fake), then shook my head.

"I-It's…It's nothing.." I muttered.

"You sure?"

I nodded, "Mhmm."

I don't know why I didn't repeat. I guess… I really didn't see the point. I mean, it wasn't really all that important. Not like somehow it could make a difference. Yes, I understand that it seemed somewhat melodramatic of me, but that's just how I was. Neurotic to the bone. So my self esteem wasn't up to par, who cares? No one needs to tell me how to run my life.

Just then, Tomonori walked in, boots clicking on the wooden floor.

"We have a problem."

Satoshi blinked, giving the man a confused/angered look by drawing his brows together, a pout on his lips.

"Oh yeah? And what's that s'pposed to mean?"

Tomonori held out a hand, gesturing us both to follow, and left just as slyly as he came. I could tell, by Satoshi's actions, that he had forgotten about me. That he forgot I couldn't walk. He had stood, and tried to hide the way he took a step obliviously towards the door. But I saw it. And, I wish I hadn't. I tried to _believe_ I hadn't. Because, frankly, it was somewhat depressing.

He held out his hand, getting me out of the bed. And when my feet brushed against the floor, I could feel the muscles tense in his arm as I gripped it. But, I that sort of melancholy was gone, and I was quite content with myself. I really didn't need Satoshi's arm, I could walk on my own!

Sure. I may have been in a hospital gown (Although technically it was more of a silky night gown, slits on the side edges, and the sleeves hung down to my elbows. The collar slung out a bit, almost to the shoulders.), and half of my body was wrapped in bandages. No, they weren't from the illness. It was really from me.

Me trying to get out and walk on my own. Sleek bandages laying around my ankles and feet, only the toes, a few flesh from the toes, and the heels were visible. Once I had tried, in the dark (Yet again proving my genius), and the table, the edges _so_ sharp…Well… As I slid past it slit a huge gash along my lithe tummy. So, as you could imagine, bandages spun around _there_, too. As well as my forehead, the blonde locks cascading over it.

And that… Was when I just hit a lamp. (xD) My head did, really. I had tripped over something, and I felt this sharp pain on the right side of my forehead. The next thing I knew, vermillion blinded my vision, and I was screaming so loud… I really thought I was dying. I was so afraid. Afraid of my death. This… hurt. Really, really bad. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was… Satoshi. It's amazing, really. How much he's really been there. I mean, he always was. But this… This was different.

And I began to think about all the times he really _had_ been there. He was more than just someone in the caravan that cared for me. He was… My brother. My therapist. My _friend…_ No. My _best_ friend. Well, my only friend. So I guess you could label him my best friend. I wonder, Satoshi, what would you think of that? If I called you my best friend? If I told everyone you were… Would you care? And I guess because I'm too shy… That's all I can do: Wonder.

I smiled up to him, a tinge of pink on my cheeks.

"I-I'm good… I… I think I can walk… n-now…."

He stared for a moment, then smiled his own reassuring smile. "Oh yeah? Well, I'll be here… If you fall."

And I felt my heart flutter. Satoshi… You have no idea what meaning you gave me with those words. And I'll tell you, it wasn't what you originally thought it to be.

_If you fall._

X X

I was breathing pretty harshly when I finally got down the corridor. Enough, you see, to latch back onto Satoshi. Both to his relief… And mine. I found Tominori with his arms folded neatly across his chest, leaning just slightly against the wall.

"Tomonori-san…" I said, rather huskily and out of breath.

"What did you want? It better be good for dragging us _both_ down here." Satoshi remarked. I had loosened my grip at his arm, and so he dug both of his hands deep into his pockets. Now that we were staying here for a while, we dressed rather casualty. And I mean… The Selkie's clothes were fairly plain: A thin white cotton shirt, with the sleeves, which were a cobalt blue, just to his wrists. And light khaki pants hugging his legs slightly. He let his platinum bangs fall tapered around his face.

I have to say, I loved his hair. 'Twas almost _too_ perfect. And he had it yanked back into a loose tail, falling just to his back. And it looked so downy, almost like I wanted to run my fingers through it. But I couldn't. If I did, I'd end up embarrassing myself. What would I say? "You're hair looks so pretty… Too hard to resist!" No. That wouldn't work. I'd be… Ill at ease.

And Tomonori… He wasn't different. A collared shirt, striped red and white, and a pair of loose fitting slacks. But he didn't rid that mask… Almost as if it didn't just hide his face, but his whole presence. I probably should have gotten one. That way, no one could tell if I'm sad, and I could be sad all the time. See, I don't like crying in front of people. I don't want them to feel sorry for me. Pity is my most hated emotion.

I could be sad…All the time…

But again, I was already labeled a "traitor" and a "fake." There would be no way I'd get handed one. I had gotten used to it by now; That these dreams would just stay dreams. Mere remnants in my thoughts, forgotten and never brought to words. It was just how my life went.

"It has to do with money."

I cocked my head to the side. "But I thought… That the inn keeper said I could stay until I was well again."

"Not money for here… But for regular supplies. I thought Shuu would be back by now, considering she took most of our gill."

Satoshi sighed. "Go figure."

"Does that mean we need to get jobs here?" I asked, staring at him hard.

"Until she returns… Yes."

"And us. Not _you_." He patted my head, and smiled. But that wasn't good enough.

"No!" I tore away. "I'm tired of being useless. I'm going to get a job! I'm going to help! And you… You can't stop me!" I leaned against the wall, staring at them with hard eyes. Like an animal caught in a trap, ready to run at any given notice.

Tomonori shrugged. "Guess we can't then."

Satoshi growled lightly, and a few inaudible protests fell from his lips. But I ignored them, and, apparently, so did Tomonori. But he always ignored Satoshi anyway.

He, Tomonori, seemed stuck on something in his mind.

"There _was_ a job the inn keeper had managed to offer…"

"What is it?" Both Satoshi and I spoke at the same time.

"…I highly doubt you're up for the challenge." Tomonori defended.

"Oh, come off it, man. Give it a shot." Satoshi said, grinning.

"C'_mon_!" I pleaded.

He sighed. "Fine fine. It's an… Inn Maid."

Both Satoshi and I gaped.

"Inn... Maid!"

"But we're _guys! _Don't Inn Maids have to wear… Y'know… Those frilly aprons and what-not?" Satoshi asked, completely baffled. And what… What was that? A blush!

He nodded, "I told you guys that you wouldn't be up for it. But it's really… Not for you Satoshi. It's for… Jin Lee."

I blinked, pointing myself in the chest. "M-Me?"

Satoshi sent Tomonori a glare, "You jest."

The Yuke shook his head solemnly. "I wish. But it's the only non-labor job around the town at the time. You _said_ you wanted to help. But… I'm afraid this is the only way how."

I stared at him for a moment. I _did_ want to help… But am I willing to risk this? I may have a feminine frame, but that's just too bizarre! I thought for a moment, averting deeply into Tomonori's and Satoshi's waiting eyes. I couldn't decide… Do I not dress up and save the scrap of pride I had left? (Minus the "lamp" incident.)

Or do I suck it up and earn the group money? Certainly Tomonori and Satoshi could mange the money all on their own. But one of the main reasons we were still here was because of my stubbornness. I didn't want to feel… Like everything was still my fault. The whole reason I joined the caravan was so that I wasn't so useless. No matter how much "Mother" begged, I would go.

Oh Shuu… What would _you_ do at a time like this?

"Well, Jin-chan? What's your choice?" Satoshi finally spoke up.

I sighed… And nodded. "Yeah. I'll do it."

Tomonori gave me a concerned look, "Are you sure? You know you don't _have_ to."

"Yes."

And, too top of my embarrassment, Satoshi grinned wider, pinching my cheeks.

"Better get you all dolled up!"

* * *

And that's it! Please reply!


	4. Spring Beauty

**Disclaimer: FFCC is not mine. If it was, it wouldn't be this popular. And I'd be the only one writing. --;**

**Warnings: S-ai, which stands for Shounen-ai, which is just a fancy-pants word for gay love. Don't like it? Well, go find some sappy romance about normal human affections. Bah! I banish thee! You and your… Normal human-nature.**

**Chapter four: Spring Beauty.**

* * *

I've been disturbed.

So much, in fact, that each time the _word_ 'maid' just makes my stomache coil at the thought.

And no matter how many times I stare at my reflection, I just can't adjust. The thick black dress. And my smooth legs, buried in stockings. Not to mention those black bands high on my thighs. The frilled edged apron hugged tightly to my figure, just layering the black dress, tied in a thick bow at my backside.

My hands, consumed in those silk white gloves, as well as my feet forced into tiny, glossy black shoes. And I do think that the black band clung to my neck and the frilly headdress in my hair was a bit much, and not quite needed. But I wasn't going to argue.

The clothes, they were tight. I could feel them adhere to my figure. And the tall stockings? Boy, were _those_ uncomfortable. For _obvious_ reasons. The sleeves were puffy about my shoulders, and about the edges of the apron was a table-cloth pattern. The black dress, I hated the way it brought out the shade around my eyes.

Which made my neon eyes stands out a bit.

I sighed, slipping my shoes on finally and buckling them. Funny, they looked like tap-dance shoes…

But that didn't remain in my thoughts for long, as when I stepped out into the corridor of the hallway, I earned gasps from both Satoshi _and_ Tomonori. Rosebushes bloomed on my cheeks, and I averted my hooded eyes elsewhere.

"Jin Lee.." I heard Satoshi gape.

"Don't you dare say a word."

But Satoshi pouted, hanging his hands on his hips. "What if it was a compliment, eh, love?"

I looked back at him, ocean eyes wide in disbelief. "You're kidding! I look like a girl!"

His cocky grin returned, "Exactly. And you make a pretty cute girl. Not that you weren't cute as a boy… Cross-dressing is really your thing, isn't it?"

Satoshi earned a quick slap over the back of the head from Tominori, who sighed, and shrugged his shoulders. And I tried desperately to hide my blush.

"For the last time, are you quite certain you can do this?"

I bit my lip, neon eyes gazing up at him. Then I nodded, "Yes. I need to help out somehow…" But as I took a step forward, I felt a sudden tinge of pain in my left leg, and collapsed lightly…

…Had Satoshi not grabbed my arm tightly. I panted somewhat hard, and when I spoke, I was out of breath. I realized that convincing them again that I was fine probably wasn't going to work, but I tried anyways, the words falling softly from my lips. Tominori sighed and muttered something about me being 'naïve' and Satoshi just shook his head.

"You're going to kill yourself if you're not careful. Thanks to you, I'm going to be paranoid thinking about you. Wondering if you're okay…"

A smile tugged on the corner of my lips as Satoshi's words lofted into my ears, staining my mind. I couldn't help but think about my thoughts for the other boy more centered now. Did I really just want him as a friend..? Of course, it wasn't a matter of my choosing. Beggars can't be choosers. But, I would like it if we were more than that.

Along the floor my broom swept, a light dust tossed from side to side. I've never really been a big fan of cleaning—the was I saw it, why clean something that will eventually get dirty again? Which was quite logical, if I do say so myself. However, I eventually learned that it wasn't just about getting the room clean, but more about appearance. I suppose most people would like to be referred to as neat and tidy than a slob. But that thought, about appearance, doesn't really fit with neat-freaks. Because they're normally clean…

_Gah! _My head screamed, and I shook my head of those thoughts. _I'm just confusing myself!_

As I leaned back against the wall, my head tilted back and my eyes caste over the ceiling. Quite lovely, with the rustling flames hidden behind a cup-shaped plate of foggy glass, a' hugging the upper limit , shedding luminous waves. It must have been at least a few hours. So far I had done the corridor, lobby, kitchen, and dining area _spotless. _Which leaves…

…Over half of the inn left.

I sighed in despair—perhaps a bit over exaggerated. I don't think I could take this day after day. And after this, no doubt I'll be emotionally scarred from cleaning supplies. I brushed a few blonde locks from my eyes.

"_Please, Shu.."_ I whispered softly under my breath. _"Hurry back."_

"Dude looks like a lady!"

I visibly twitched, clutching onto the firm broom handle with a tight grip, bleaching my knuckles. My teeth gnashed, and my eyes clamped closed with anger. I felt a rough pat on my back, slightly pushing me off balance. I glared at his cocky grin.

"Satoshi.." I drawled, fairly annoyed and dropping my scorn.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. It's just so… tempting."

"Is it _really?_ Because I wouldn't have noticed by the _last _threepeople who yelled that out." I said, resting the broom along the wall and folding my arms across my chest. Maybe it was a bit childish, but oh well.

"Look, I said I was sorry!" He grinned again, bringing his hand up to my forehead to check my temperature, and I looked back at him with wide eyes. "So how're you holdin' up?" He asked, his hand slowly making it's way down my face and cupping my cheek, I shivered, but tried to hide it.

"Are you feeling okay? Feel faint or anything lately?"

I tried to keep my sanity. "No, I feel much better."

But my mind had finally fallen numb. Only Satoshi's soft fingers along my check I could process. Quite frankly, I had never felt this way with anyone before. Butterflies rolled in my stomach as his fingers trailed down my jaw line, pinning my lightly against the wall. My eyes fluttered closed, succumbed to the desire dawning on my mind and completely taking over. My mind was spinning when he tilted my head up. Amazing, how ust his touch crippled me so—bringing me closer and closer to the edge.

And judging by Satoshi's movements, I wasn't the only one.

I could feel the other boy's hot, moist breath spread along my orifice (1). The warmth of his body reached along me. That is, until his lips dipped into mind, sending shockwaves down my spine. This… This was remarkable beyond words. The sensation as he gently crushed his lips to mine was just… the most unbelievable feeling. A true spark of passion just igniting deep within my heart… I never wanted it to end. He didn't push me too much into it, and I soon latched off his crimson lips, cheeks flushed and breathing somewhat harshly, caught up in the moment.

As he peeked his emerald eyes open, I noticed they were coated in lust—lust for me. Then a thought was brought to mind; Satoshi… Satoshi was… My first. My first kiss. I brought my fingers to my lips, completely baffled by what had happened. God, I was glad it was with him. It was almost incredible, how I was craving something that I didn't know I really wanted until now.

"Jin..?" Satoshi called softly, and my eyes locked with his. "I've been… meaning to tell you for a while. But I guess I just didn't have the courage. I'm so glad… you didn't reject me."

I smiled faintly. "..Me too."

Satoshi seemed relieved as he leaned over, his arms snaking around my waist and bringing me to a warm embrace. My eyes fell hooded. And al was silent. Lost in the quiet waves of reborn hearts, relief… The silence thickly threaded beneath us, not a need for words. I snuggled deeply into him, not able to help the blissful smile. I don't ever remember being this happy before. Not _ever. _I don't even remember _smiling _like this before. Nothing was ever this important--- _I _was never this important.

"How did I know you two would hook up? I always knew you had a crush on him, Sato-chan."

My eyes widened.

"That voice… it's…"

"Shu-chan!" Satoshi finished. The woman grinned. "The one and only."

I was even _happier_ now. There she was, barley standing there a few feet away. I was a bit flustered, a light tinge of pink dappling my cheeks by the position I was in. (That's what I get for having a make-out session in the middle of a hallway.) But my joy over came that. I wriggled free of Satoshi's grasp, and stumbled briskly to her, smiling widely. I embraced her, taking in her warmth, breathing in her scent, and fingering the delicate fabric of her armor.

She seemed to have put a fight, the dirt smudged along her features. A few scratched were crusted with dried blood, and soon I heard Satoshi step near with delight in his eyes as he dug his hands deeply into his pockets.

"H…How long have you been standing there?" He asked. Shu's grin widened.

"Long enough to know I'll be seeing you two together for a while."

Satoshi tried to hide the blush on his cheeks.

The Lility pushed my back lightly, eyes trailing down. Then I averted my eyes else where, just realizing why she made such a face by staring at me.

"Just _what _are you wearing, dear?"

"You didn't know?" Satoshi piped in, "Jin's a crossdresser."

I rolled my eyes as she laughed, "It's the only job I can do in my state. You took all out money!"

"State you're in.." She quirked a brow, then it dawned on her. "Oh, that's right! You fainted! How are you fairing?"

I smiled lightly. "I'm alright, really. But now I feel even better because you're home! That means I don't have to work in this anymore!"

Shu giggled. "I think Satoshi wants to change that. Unless he wants you to get so excited that you undress right in front of him…"

"Shu!" Both Satoshi and I barked, faces flushed.

"W…Why don't you go say 'Hi' to Tomonori-san? I am sure he misses you very much." I said, pushing her lightly out the door, and then closing it. But I didn't have a moment of peace, because I soon felt Satoshi behind me, arms hung around my waist. But to be honest, it _was _peace in my mind.

I sighed, resting the neatly folded outfit on the counter-top.

"Thank you." I whispered softly, turning away. My mind cheered. Finally, I didn't have to wear that. And with our chalice full, we could go home. But, I wonder.. would things be different? No doubt Satoshi and I would be… more friendly. But it was nice, knowing I would have someone there when the Yukes came to chase me down, or the Clavets threw rocks at me. Ever since I had been living on my own, things have become quite lonely.

I could cry for hours now. But maybe Satoshi could visit? I would diffidently like that. Maybe things could change for me. Maybe… maybe I could finally be happy forever, For once… in my life, at least.

"Oh, Jin." I heard Shu call as I began climbing up the stairs. "I met someone while I was out. He said he knew you."

My brows raised, than furrowed. Know me? Anyone who would have known me wouldn't _want _to see me. I wasn't exactly the type of person someone wanted to see. But I nodded, nonetheless, and quickly glided up the steps. I had returned to my original clothing—the hospital gown. And when I turned the corner, I was faced with a fellow Clavet.

I was lightly embarrassed knowing he was probably disgusted with me already, even if he didn't know me. I always had that sort of way of thinking. One of those idiosyncrasies. He looked other than me, a few years maybe. Blonde locks cascaded down, framing his face and narrow emerald eyes. His frame was somewhat muscular, maybe just as much as Satoshi. A sword at his hip, a shield swung over his shoulder.

I looked away, disgraced with myself. I didn't even have a _sword_. I didn't deserve his company.

"Hello… sir." I said, a brisk bow falling.

"Mourir."

I blinked, "I'm sorry… What was tha—"

"Mourir. That's my name. Drop the stir, it's annoying."

I nodded. "Ah.. Yes.. Sorry.. Um.. Mourir. I'm Jin Lee."

"I know."

Again, confusing. "W-What?"

He seemed flustered, and waved his hand. "I…I-I uh.. I knew your.. your parents!"

"You mean the Yukish family?" I said, head cocked to the side.

"Yuke? Boy, you're not a Yuke! You're a clavet." I visibly winced, "So you're Clavet family, duh!"

My eyes lid up, and I stood on my toes, staring him in shock.

"_You _knew my parents?"

He hung a hand on his hip, "Yeah, don't you?" That hit me hard, burning my heart into flickering ashes, and causing breath to dwell in my throat. I shook my head slowly…

"…So she did do it. I always knew she…" His voice trailed off. But I wanted to know. This was _my _family, right? I should know!

"She? Who? My Mother? Sister..?" And I guess my voice reminded him that I was standing there, because his head snapped towards me.

"Please," I begged. "Tell me about my family."

He smiled lightly, patting my shoulder.

"Sorry, love. It wouldn't be my place."

And he slowly walked away, disappearing down the hall, hands dug into his pockets. And I was speechless. Not his _place? _What the heck was_ that_ supposed to mean? Only when he was completely gone did I realize… that my last chance, my last hope of knowing who I could have been just slipped away. I sighed. A feeling of great depression and loss engulfed my body. Things never turned out right for me. I heard my name being called, but I didn't have the energy to face anyone.

Tears were awakening in my eyes, and I ran away from the voice. I sped down the all, trying to loose the footsteps I heard so close behind. Just as quickly as I opened the door, I slammed it shut. I slid down the wood, shoulders trembling, sobbing. Why was I even crying at all? This was so stupid! I buried my eyes in my hands, hiding them from the world.

"Jin? Jin Lee, are you okay? Please don't cry Jin…" It was Satoshi. O could tell even through the hurt in his voice. But I didn't want to-- I couldn't face him now.

"…G-Go A...Away..." it wasn't demanding or anything. Heck, it was worse than a whimper. But I needed to be alone. That was best for me now.

I had sat there for hours, not moving and I wasn't hungry—just extremely tired. Memories began rushing back--- the pain as a child… Wandering around in the caravan only suppressed them, bottling them away. My fingers clutched deeply into my black locks, as my eyes clamped closed, my legs brought up close. I could still feel the hard rocks tare into my supple flesh, and the cold, glaring eyes on my back as I walked through towns. My chest was aching, the depression pouring out.

"_You little tramp! Go away!" **Slap. **_

My eyes were burning with tears.

"_Why don't you just leave? Nobody likes you!" **Glare.**_

I bit my lip, chocking on the sadness rushing through.

"_Leave me alone! I don't want to play freak with you!" **Shove. **_

I couldn't take it anymore—it was just too much to handle. Trying to stand on my numb legs, the locked knees wobbly ever so slightly. I gently fingers the door handle, trying to brush the evidence of tears from my eyes. As I slowly turned the knob letting the crack of light seep to the hallway, I saw Satoshi's peaceful, sleeping figure. I opened the door further, his body which was sprawled out along the floor becoming engulfed in the light.

I smiled lightly through the tears, a warmth growing in my heart. He waited for me…

I got to my knees and crawled lazily along the floor, nearer to Satoshi. It was then… I needed that warmth. I thrived off it. I could no longer support myself emotionally—Even if they began with an optimistic view, it was all end in failure. This… This is what was keeping my alive. Depression had long since seduced me, and this was the barrier from me and suicide. My life support, hidden thickly with a web of dark past.

I snuggled deeply into his arms, back pressing against his chest as I tried to synch our breaths—The heartbeat of but one. And I fell into a darkness, a sleep of which I would slowly emerge.

* * *

.

Fun, ain't it? You know you want to reply.


	5. Buttercups

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. Yet.**

**Warnings: S-ai, which stands for Shounen-ai, which is just a fancy-pants word for gay love. Don't like it? Well, go find some sappy romance about normal human affections. Bah! I banish thee! You and your… Normal human-nature.**

**Notes:**

**xDDDDD**

**HOLY FREAKIN CRAP! I STARTED A BANDWAGON! **

**I am absolutely _stunned _by all the people who are making s-ai/yaoi stories on here now. And did you see the jump increase on the numbers of stories? Holy Crap! x) I'm so thrilled to see people getting to know that being gay isn't bad—And it can make a cute, sappy romance story. **

**So, please. Continue with your stories, loves. And I wish you all good luck in the near future.**

**Also, I noted a _lot _of typos and mistakes on my part. Like when it says he has black hair… All my Roleplaying characters have black hair. It was something so natural I didn't even noticed. And the spelling mistakes… I never re-read my crap. xD**

**By the way. A story was dedicated to me. I feel so loved. **

**Chapter five: Buttercup.**

**PS: Did you know that Buttercups are very poisonous?**

* * *

I had a memory the night before… Of my past. And, frankly, it scared me. I didn't want it. But I didn't understand it, either. How could these things have happened to me, if I was found as an infant? 

_There I was. Sitting in the corner—No older then a small child, with tears streaming down my round cheeks, and sobs chocking through my lip and, the darkness hugging my frail frame. I was huddled, trying my best to huddle my figure deeper and deeper into the wall, to seep through the thick frame of the house, and disappear. It seemed that it's what everyone wanted to happen._

_I looked to my mother, who stood with an off-white apron clung to her lean frame. The bun of her hair now lay in a mess, a few strands pasted to her brow, and a grumble on her pale lips. What was wrong? I didn't know why… But I received this guilty feeling of hatred from her. It might have been perhaps by the glares she sent me with her emerald eyes. I only remember vaguely what she was doing at the time, with her hands caked in mud and her long, lavender gown bleached by the sun as she walked through the door._

_But I remember… My "room." The tightly packed shack, with but a candle with tears of wax rolling down the shaft, which hung on one of the walls, shedding it's soft aura into the dim area. The floor was just dirt. That's it. Plain earth, which rubbed along my palms and knees, dirtying my clothing—The rags I was forced to wear. I could see, as I glanced up, the hatred in her eyes._

"_Mummy.." I said softly, "Mummy, what's wrong?" And I brushed the tears from my eyes to get a better look, but I immediately wished I hadn't._

"_What's **wrong**?" She said, reaching down, and pulling me up by the shirt. I could almost taste the venom in her words, and winced at how hard she grasped me. "**You're **what's wrong!"_

_Then, it all hit me. Even in my original family—I was barely apart of it. Held to it by a mere thread of my heart, by the blood which ran through my veins. The blood I never knew. That woman, the woman I had claimed "Mother", wasn't even from my original birth. My Father… Well… Let's just say he liked to "sleep around." The thought hit me hard. My Mother… The one who I had been searching for my entire life, didn't even_ want _me. She created me for money. That's how it was. And this woman, the woman my Father had originally married… Hated me._

_I know there was someone else. Because… that one person was the reason I was still living today. I was completely fine with my Mother wanting to kill me. I no longer had emotions as she let me fall on the rough earth, my wounds beginning to ache at the movement, and she held the sledge knife, glinting in the soft moonlight which creaked through the open window, above her head, the poisonous smile on her lips… But someone else wasn't._

_I saw an axe tear through her flesh. The vermillion blooming flowers detonated at her gut, the petals beginning to pool around her feet. I saw the horrified look on her face, her eyes wide and bulging, the pupils gone small, and the short, almost lifeless gasps for air her lips tried to grasp, a small trickle of blood emission from the corner of her mouth. A few diamonds of her blood splattered along my face, and I could feel the cold, trails it left behind as it rolled down._

_I know she hated me. The glare she would have in her eyes whenever they happened to drive near my way. Because... _

_**In my eyes she saw the man she loved, and a woman she would never meet. **_

_Which was why I was completely satisfied with her killing me. Why should I live a life where my own Mother wanted me dead? _

_I guess… someone else thought differently._

Panting. Sweat glazing my flesh. A scream stiffly leaving my lips. Immediately, I heard Satoshi's soft coos to calm me down.

"Hush… It's okay… I'm here… It was just a dream…."

I closed my eyes to his soothing words… But it was taken. When his arms, which I had been oblivious to the entire time, had hugged me tightly, and immediate muscle remembrance dawned on me.

"_**You're **what's wrong!"_

My eyes widened, and without thinking, I tore away. I scurried across the floor to the other side of the hallway, my back pressed up against the wall as if wanting to seep through it and disappear again. But it didn't work. So I just remained satisfied with hugging myself, comforting myself as the tears which had awakened in my eyes began to fall.

I was shivering again, and although I visibly tensed when Satoshi drew near, I eventually eased to his presence. What was I doing? I _loved _this man, and here I was fearing him because of some _stupid _dream?

But it wasn't a dream. It couldn't have been… It was all far too real.

Everything seemed unbearably quiet. Inside, anyways. Outside, the bird's song could be heard so clearly, and the tree's nail branches clawed at the windows. I sighed, lessening as he hesitantly brought out his arms, and brought me into a loose embrace, and he improved the pressure until the hug was tight. Until he thought for sure nothing could break our bond.

Neither of us said anything about my dream at breakfast. Which, yes, I did eventually break down and spill everything to him. And he had taken it all, sprinkling a few comforts here or there. I must admit; He does make everything seem like a fantasy. But I guess that's what love is, right? Everyone's fairy tale.

But breakfast didn't go so well.

The main problem was, Shuu decided to invite the guest. The one who had started it all –triggered the sadness dwelling in my heart. He sat just across from me, with his gleaming eyes and charming smile. But I couldn't look at him, it just triggered more.

Satoshi sat beside me, and on the end of the table was Tomonori, and next to Mourir was Shuu. Beneath the table, my pinky intertwined with Satoshi's, and I would receive warm smiles and his thumb rubbing along the rest of my hand each time I felt like running away and crying.

It always seemed like he could read my mind.

I didn't feel like eating that much, and so I barely ate what was on my plate. It wasn't like it wasn't normal… I naturally don't eat a lot. But this made me seem bulimic or something. Of course, no one noticed but the one person I didn't want to get attention from.

"You don't eat a lot, do you?" Mourir asked.

I glared, "No. And I'm completely fine with that."

He nodded, a light smile of his face, "Well, okay. But you should eat more, it's healthier for you."

How _dare _he? Telling _me _what I should and shouldn't do? I sighed.

A plan quickly zapped through my mind, and I "accidentally" flicked my fork off the table, clattering and clashing on the tile as it fell.

"Oh.. I'll get that…"

And I scooted down and began prodding hard on the floor with my foot on the ground, hard, until I finally got the reaction from Mourir that I wanted.

"Ow!" And he jumped, causing a few table ornaments chimed.

"Oh? I'm sorry is this—" My foot pounced on his again, "—Your _foot?_"

He nodded, "Ow! Yes! It is!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry.." Wow. As if you couldn't hear the sincerity in my voice.

I glanced down, "Oh look... My fork."

And, after I reached down to pick it up, I couldn't help the smug smile on my lips. This was war.

The rest of breakfast went fairly smooth. I didn't try anything after, because I thought maybe that would seem too suspicious. And I must say—It felt pretty weird to be watching my back. I never had this much suppressed anger towards anyone before, not even the kids who teased me.

But something in the back of my mind told me this was wrong. The curse of a good heart.

"I'm excusing myself.." I said softly, and the warmth of Satoshi's hand left mind as I pushed away from the table, and I could almost feel his worried gaze on my back, "I'm just going for a walk, I'll be back soon."

I really just wandered around, finding my way while hugging the loose jacket I had hugged over my frame. I really was improving, I think. The pain was now ignorable in my legs. It's funny—I've been here for a while now, and yet I didn't know Marr's Pass had a park.

I like parks a lot, I'll tell you that. Wandering around the soft earth, the long, hallow shadows from the trees littering along the ground. The leaves of autumn tumbled along the pathway at my feet, which immediately caught my eye. I don't know how long I wandered there, my mind always retreating from the outside world.

Eventually, I found a bench, plopping down on the wooded surface with a sigh. Knees knocked together, and the toes which just brushed the ground facing inward. I closed my eyes…

Silence. A pure bliss. And yet, at the same time, it was Hell even more. The gnawing solitude… It wouldn't go away. That is, until I heard a certain someone sit besides me, tearing me from my daydream, any fragment washing away.

I immediately glared, "What're _you_ doing here?"

Mourir gave an innocent look, "Do you _always _have to seem like you hate me?"

"It's more than seem, love." I snapped.

"Ouch."

There was a pause, with another moment of perfect silence. Then I felt something hard on my lap. Glancing down, I let my eyes widen, my fingers trailing over the edge of the sketchbook I had managed to messily shove together.

"My sketch book! But how did you--?"

I glanced towards him, and watched as he sprawled out, pulling out a light cigarette and peeling his lips open, rummaging through his pocket for a lighter.

"Your boyfriend told me. 'Said you'd probably need it right about now.."

I smiled lightly. Once again.. Satoshi was right. I would've done anything to draw this scenery. I silently thanked Satoshi as I began to flip through the pages.

"…You must really like him."

I blinked, glancing up. "Hmm? Oh, you mean Satoshi?.." I blushed lightly, "Yeah."

"You think it's love?"

I shrugged, "..I don't know."

Finally finding his lighter, he lifted it to the edge of the cigarette, letting the bud glow for an instant before he inhaled, letting it sag and dust away. After he inhaled, he lazily pulled it away, letting the cloud billow from his lightly parted lips.

I glared. "Do you mind?"

Only his eyes shifted to me, "What?"

"Smoking!" The glare never dropped its menace. "Don't you know about second hand smoking? You're killing me as well as yourself right now."

He shrugged, "We're all going to die anyways."

"Well I'd at least like to wait until I'm actually supposed to."

Then, his eyes snapped towards me. He was in shock, and although I didn't know why, I ignored it. Quickly, like a viper, I let my hand shoot to the drug, pulling it from his lips and disposing it on the ground followed by a sharp ground of my shoe.

"W—Wait! Hey!"

I pouted, "Well you should have known better."

"So… Tell me about yourself. What do you like to do?"

"Draw." It was a blunt answer.

"Well, yeah. I sort of guessed that. I mean, tell me about your favorites. What's your favorite meal?"

"Eh.. Ramen. Curry, maybe. It's the only thing I can cook. Mother wouldn't let me in the kitchen much."

"Oh. Your Mother? What was she like?"

I smiled lightly, "Kind. And… Well… Motherly."

"Well that's good to know." As he spoke I glanced to him questioningly.

"Why?"

"Because your—" Then he stopped again, and sighed. "It just is."

My brows knitted together, "No. You had _better _tell me this time. It may not be your place, but you're the _only _one who can tell me."

He glance towards me, his eyes dull with seriousness. Something deep down told me this was a wrong idea, that I was playing with fate, and I'd eventually pay for it later. But right now, I wanted to know more than anything before. Somehow I knew that the answer he was going to give me wasn't the one I was searching for.

"Are you sure?"

That my old life wasn't the fairy tale I had imagined it as.

"Positive."

That maybe I was better off not knowing. But there was no turning back—I don't want to live my entire life not knowing.

"…Your Mother hated you."

I looked away.

"She didn't really even_ remotely _like you. You were barely fed, and she would constantly tell you how much she hated you."

I bit my lip, so hard that blood drew, but I quickly lapped it away.

"..But I thought she died when she gave birth?"

"That's a lie." Eyes widen to his words, but he continued on as if he didn't notice, "…Just so you wouldn't know the truth."

"So you mean… _everyone _knew!"

He nodded, "Your entire caravan, anyway."

I held myself lightly, feeling the tear again. So, they thought they could just _lie_ to me? They thought that if they made up my life, that I wouldn't _know? _That I could just live on _happily?_

Didn't they know my life was Hell already?

"And my Father?"

"I can't tell you he was a bad man—I never knew him enough. He left shortly after, because he knew he was in trouble with your Mother."

"Why?" I rubbed my eyes clear.

"Because you were born from a prostitute."

My fingers clawed at my tight jeans, fisting the fabric. "Is that why Mother hated me? Because I wasn't even her child?"

"Pretty much."

"What about my birth mother? Didn't she want me?"

"Are you kidding? She was about 18 with a whole life ahead of her, so your Father took you in. His intentions started out good, but then he left you behind."

I guess he finally noticed when my shoulders began to shudder to the sobs.

"I guess I shouldn't have been so harsh.."

"No. I wanted the truth." And once again I brushed the evidence of tears from my vision.

"Thank you, Mourir. I should head back now, the others might be worried."

He nodded, "Alright. I'll see you soon. I'm going to stay out here for a while."

And I left, a new kind of cold bearing in my heart as I stood, clutching my sketchbook in my arms tightly.

* * *

Review, thank-you. Haha. I'm a better poet than I thought. xD 


End file.
